A Curse Most Foul

Everyone, it’s true. I’ve been cursed. I don’t know when, I don’t know why, and I don’t know how, but I’m sure of it. I’m living a cursed life, a half-life. And it’s time I confess.

You guys remember Milkfuls? The little hard candies (kind of like Werther’s) that had a creamy centre? I loved those candies. They were my favourite. They were discontinued in the early 2000s, which was devastating. However, I didn’t realize at the time that it was the beginning of a long-standing predicament from which there is no escape. Not for me.

Every food I love gets discontinued.

It sounds paranoid, but I swear it’s true. It started with Milkfuls, but it didn’t stop there. Yo-Go’s, Nestea White Peach Iced Tea, Caramel Coffee Iced Frappes at McDonald’s, Parmesan Oregano bread at Subway, Ragu spaghetti sauce, old-fashioned glazed doughnuts at Tim Horton’s, the old pumpkin spice muffins at Tim Horton’s (the new ones have a weird icing), the entire franchise of Extreme Pita, the list goes on. I swear, whenever I decide I like something, the universe yoinks it away.

It’s become a running joke in our house that I’m not allowed to like anything my husband likes so it won’t be discontinued. Joke or not, I’m honestly afraid that it’s true. Even limited edition items that usually make an annual comeback conveniently don’t when they’re on my favourites list (see: Ruffles Hot Wings flavor chips, orange-flavored Kit-Kats, etc.). I don’t know what ancient being I accidentally pissed off, but please, give me a chance to apologize. I can’t live like this anymore.

In other news, I just found out that they’re bringing back Oreo Cakesters. Do you think if I try hard enough, we can do the same for Yo-Go’s? I’ll start a petition. I will.